Day 290 - Chiang Mai detox

The waiter, an unusually sullen Thai gentleman whom no-one has been able to warm to, deposits food on the table. A large wooden bowl contains a sizable salad. A tall glass holds a frothy shake made from various tropical vegetables. A selection of hummus-filled seaweed rolls, uncanny in their resemblance to Japanese sushi, sits between us on the table.

Now, normally I would likely turn my nose up at the in front of me. I prefer my food somewhat heartier. I'm no junk food junkie, but neither am I a mung-bean saint either. However, this is my first meal in seven days. Right now, it looks like a veritable medieval feast, laid out on a long wooden table, crowned by a single roasted pig with an apple in its' mouth.

As I tuck in, my mind drifts back to the first day I arrived. I was a podgier-faced cheeky-chappy back then. Full of the cuisine of a dozen nations, not to mention the alcoholic spoils of humanity's common interest in getting sozzled. Who knows what manner of parasites had seen fit to cadge a lift from the bacterial smelter of India?

Now, I am reinvented. 5 kgs have fallen from my frame like needles from a neglected Christmas tree. My eyes and skin positively glow. The hint of definition smiles out at me from my mid-section. I feel a million dollars.

Rachel also feels and looks similarly good. Her hair looks like a Pantene advert. She skips along the road like a twelve year old. Her farts smell of rose petals and expensive perfume.

As the little-known contemporary philosopher and amateur blue comedian Stephen Bowe - the man responsible for us being here - once coined, we feel "a euphoric sense of lightness".

Troy from Sydney - who, along with Rob from New York, has been our partner on this journey to skinny-dom - swears by a week at the Spa Resort every 3-6 months. I can see why.

Not that it's easy, this not eating lark. However, I will say that I was expecting to feel hungry at some point. But hungry I was not. Probably due to consuming a glass of fruit juice mixed with toxin-binding clay and psyillium every three hours, plus a handful of pills in between.

Did I mention the coffee? Probably best not, save to say that I never in my life envisaged the idea of it, let alone twice a day. I feel I have said to much already. I'll finish by saying, it brings a whole new meaning to the phrase, "wake up and smell the coffee".

And how the days fill up! We expected time to spare. Perhaps sitting around the pool, or churning into a good novel?

However, the hours seemed to wile by, filled with meditation, yoga, thai massage and steam room time.

When we did manage a block of 3-4 hours free, myself, Troy, Rob and Rachel formed a motorcycle gang - well, mopeds actually - taking off into the hills outside Chiang Mai to visit the Queens Botanical Gardens, an underground temple, the famous Chiang Mai markets and to cuddle tigers.

Yep, you heard that right. Cuddle tigers. Big, sleepy (not drugged!), cute, hairy and potentially deadly tigers. In actual fact, its not the tigers you need to worry about, it's the lions. Grumpy buggers.

But now it's all over. The salad feels crunchy and crispy in my mouth. I have no idea how my stomach will deal with it, but I'll worry about that later.

This detox lark, I give it the thumbs up. The fact that we got to do it in the wonderful surrounds of Mae Rim, Chiang Mai was a bonus. We take with us new learnings about raw food, healthy living, looking after the mind and body and ridding yourself of the toxins we pick up in every day life. I'd recommend it to anyone.

Now, where can we get a good martini around here?


Photos from the week of no food are here.

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