Stevie Aird is coming to town!

Ladies and gentlemen; citizens of Buenos Aires.

It is my great pleasure to announce the imminent arrival of Mr Stephen Aird to your fine, fair and previously untainted city.

Stephen is a man who needs little introduction. As you will be no doubt be aware, He is a legend in his own lifetime. He is a man of awesome stature in numerous fields, including erotic fiction, naked all-in Turkish wrestling and, of course, horse husbandry. The fact that He is so modest in refusing to talk about these, or His collection of Swedish penis pumps, merely adds to his allure. Men want to be Him, women want to be with Him.

In little over a week, He will be here, in this very country. However, the very concept of Stephen Aird should not be taken lightly. Prepare for the best, prepare for the worst.

I make no apologies in saying; this could get messy. This is a man who thinks nothing of dousing Himself in honey and throwing Himself to the lesbians. This is a man who can go out at night wearing a pink t-shirt and novelty oversize sunglasses and still turn up for work next day morning with His head held high. If He were a mammoth, they would not be extinct.

I will admit it to you, fellow citizens; I invited Him. Further, I admit to you; He is my friend. I like His style! Yes, it will probably end it tears. There may be some casualties. Hell, it may even be worse than we could possibly imagine. However, bear this is mind.

One day in the distant future, when your hair is grey and your eyes are dim. When Spurs have won the Premiership, England have won the world cup and Scotland have qualified. When cricket is no more and Ricky Ponting is just a distant, slightly horrid memory. When your children's children sit at your knees and beg you to tell them a story, you will smile and quietly tell them where you were when Stephen Aird came to Buenos Aires.

God save us all.